Even Zootopia Loves Raymond
by Mooncense
Summary: A fluffy and heartwarming crossover story of what happens when a supernatural portal brings the hilarious Raymond Barone and the residents of Zootopia together. But is Zootopia an escape from Ray's neighbors across the street? Come along to Zootopia with Ray exploring the many wacky misadventures to come.
1. Of Mice and Ray

Away from the hustle and bustle of the city, tranquil Long Island in the current year still looks about the same as it did years earlier. Neighbors on Fowler Avenue in Lynbrook have come and gone yet the monotony of suburban living rules on. But amidst white noise of neighbors landscaping, family minivans cruising down the street, and the sneakers of joggers pounding on the concrete, a loud commotion crept through all of that. Not loud to the point of disturbing but enough that it is noticeable from outside closed doors. This could only mean one thing, the monotony with another day of being neighbors with the Barone family.

"But Ray you used to take the kids to the zoo all the time before they left for boarding school!", Debra said in a serious of retorts to what seemed like a never ending argument over Ray not wanting do anything fun outside the house now that the kids are away at school. Debra's arguments were rather concise, while Ray's responses have been lazy and reaching.

"You know I have allergies to animals!"

"That was with your brothers dog Shamsky, like 15 years ago!"

The argument, although humorous and stressful at the same time, was just another bit of Debra's married life to the corny, sometimes unhelpful yet adorable Ray. It was no big deal, they were going to get through this like they did through every sour moment.

Ray resumed his point, or whatever it was that he was trying to do. "Honey, here's the thing with zoos…..It's not really about the kids…. I took them there because…. you see Robert was trying to ….." Exasperated trying to form a legitimate reason to stay home his voice became even more nasally finishing his with "Oh, come on honey the game is on!" and collapsed on the couch by the weight of defeat.

Debra, standing with her arms folded let out an unamused sigh. This was nothing out of the ordinary, but over the years of being married she's learned a few pointers along the way that she knew she had a way to meet somewhere in between with her goofball.

"Sure Ray, you can sit on the couch and watch your game and indulge in a bunch of salty snacks. I just thought maybe you could….., well… indulge in … me a little." Debra began to crank up the heat, knowing exactly what she was doing.

Ray's response to the hints were not as instant as Debra would expect, that is until she sat on the couch and fully embraced her husband. His attention to the game playing on TV began to wane, and his eyes appeared to grow bigger in size as his jaw could not resist to form a pleasurable smirk in anticipation of what he thought was most certainly to come next.

"I thought you loved spending time with me" her voice growing sultry and enticing.

"I do honey" Ray weakly replied while darting his eyes between her and the TV still in his visual range.

"And maybe we could spend time doing, well, tons of things."

It wasn't until after this phrase that Ray's eye contact solely stayed on Debra and all he could let out is a stuttered "Uhhhh…."

"Come on Ray, let's go do something crazy. Let's make the day extra special" was Debra's final sentence sealed with a wink only to hope for the best.

Inside Ray's mind was as if it was a control room with all the workers saying "All systems go! and basic needs of food or oxygen were moot"

"Yes! Yes, honey! Spend time! Let's go", Ray shouted with each short phrase increasing in excitement and volume. He was certain that Debra was ready to go upstairs with him to their master bedroom, himself ready to sprint to the stairs.

"Good, then were going to the zoo." Debra laid an affectionate slap on Ray's cheek just like her mother-in-law Marie would do, and it immediately sent him back to planet Earth. Ray felt his engines hit a hard break on the road and was even more bemused to receive a slap he knew too well from Debra of all people.

"Well that wasn't the kind of animal things I was hoping to be doing", Ray lamented.

"Oh please Ray, we'll see the the same things at the Zoo that you do."

Ray pondered at this hypothetical statement. He wondered, "Oh so i'm going to be like your big powerful lion?"

"No I was thinking more of like a sloth, except instead of a tree you hang on a couch. And when you actually do move its for food or mating!"

"And, and, and….", Ray quickly stuttered, waving his pointer finger as fast as his talking. "to move away when two very older sloths come near our tree uninvited with home-cooked meals, hmm?"

"Oh so why do I have to be a sloth too?" questioned Debra.

"No no no nonononono don't do this!" a frightened Ray replied quickly. Ray was unsure of whether or not he highly offended Debra and was reluctant to wake the "cranky, uptight yell-machine" in his beloved wife.

"I'm just kidding!", Debra calmly stated while opening up her arms for a hug. Ray, relieved but still a little worrisome was receptive of her hug.

"There's one thing that is true about us though, even if we are a couple of wild animals", teased Ray.

Ray then proceeded to perform a common feat of telling Debra that he was truly in love with her through a silent charade. He pointed at him, then at Debra, made a heart shape with his index fingers, and finally pointed at her lips then directing his point to his lips.

Debra accepted the invitation to kiss gracefully and the two came together in a loving, passionate embrace.

A minute into locking lips Ray pulled back with his eyes widened, his face looking disturbed.

"Oh what, now honey are you going to…."

"Wait a minute", Ray interrupted. "I'm sensing a disturbance in the force"

Without skipping a beat Marie Barone followed by her wisecracking husband Frank immediately entered the living room after Ray's prediction.

"Hiya, dear!", Marie said lovingly yet cunning. Ray always expects a trick up her sleeve every time that she is over.

"We've been here for more than ten years and still figuring out these door locks, aren't we honey?", Debra asked while giving Ray a sarcastic friendly pat on the back.

Ray shuffled his feet while moving his hands around in his pockets. The regular interruptions of his parents coming from across the streets were seemingly comedic to everybody, but it definitely had a weight of stress on Ray and Debra's marriage over the years.

Despite that they still come together as family through all the elements. Ray never expected getting tired of the cycle at any point in the future, and certainly didn't expect his parents to still be this active years later.

"Wow it has been so long since you guys came over, we should do these things more often!" Ray sarcastically quipped, in a mildly passive-aggressive manner.

"Now Raymond why are you so afraid of the zoo?", questioned Marie.

"I'm not afraid of zoos!", Ray dissented. He continued, "Wait a minute, why is your first question about a zoo? How long were you out there?!" Ray was shifting his head from his parents to Debra to the front door repeatedly in no specific order while comprehending the situation.

Frank began, "Ray this ain't the city. We live right across the street. That's right, we heard."

Ray's stress slowly showed as he was running his fingers through his hair repeatedly, letting out a frustrated sigh of what seemed like many just for this hour today.

Frank continued on, "Is this about something else? I don't know whats the big issue. You've lived with an animal for years!"

"We got rid of Shamsky a short while after my animal allergies, remember?!", Ray replied.

"Yeah and you said he was hit by a car, then I figured it was no other than a car named Raymond's allergies.", came a low burly voice heard from the entrance to the living room. Ray's brother Robert entered the house and put a hand on Ray's shoulder. "Way to go."

Robert's sudden appearances rarely goes unnoticed. It is hard especially when you have a stocky 6'8'' NYPD Lieutenant towering over everybody, especially his little brother Ray. Nevertheless the family banter picked up where it left off when Robert exclaimed, "Hey, nuts!" and proceeded to sit on the couch and pick up a couple of salty nuts, touching each one to his chin before eating it.

"I wasn't talking about Shamsky, Ray." Frank continued from his previous statement. "I was trying to address the elephant in the room"

Suddenly all heads began to move around in bewilderment, eventually all but Frank had set their gaze on Marie. Her eyes widened and then her eyebrows quickly lowered as the realization set in. He glared over to her husband who was chuckling the whole time, saying "I don't like that Frank." She quickly added, "You don't want me to crush you now."

"What you mean "now", how about every night when you roll over onto my side?" Frank immediately swiped back. Marie, having fallen victim to another of her husbands quips waved her hand down to a limp wrist in disapproval and refocused on Ray while a victorious Frank made his way to the kitchen.

"Say Debra, you got any lemon chicken in the fridge, I feel like you haven't made that in a while." Debra looked at Ray, two of her fingers pointing at her eyes than pointing at Ray before following Frank into the kitchen.

"Now dear this isn't the eighties or nineties anymore, Zoos are a lot safer than they used to be.", Marie stated, feeling that she was needed to deliver some sense into her son at this time as if it was her calling.

Robert, now in the conversation, could not help but form a smirk that was wild with enthusiasm. "Ray's afraid of the zoo?", Robert question, his smirk now showing full teeth as he let out a low villainous laugh, feeling a sense of triumph over the little brother he cares about but always been jealous of. "This doesn't sound like the same Ray that had to suddenly take his kids to the zoo after I was doing it"

"That's because I didn't realize how much they were having fun with you, and it made me realize that I needed to try to have more fun with them, even if it meant doing things i'm not really wanting to do. You know, like, everything but watching sports", Ray confessed.

"But still…. you're afraid of animals?" Robert questioned. "Hey listen, you…." Ray began in defense. Marie immediately stepped in

"Oh stop it you two! Doing things you can't stand just for the love of the kids, oh Raymond, that is the sweetest thing!", Marie exclaimed, giving Ray a lipstick-marked forehead kiss.

Robert's smile dropped into a look of disdain, feeling uncredited for helping out his brother in that time as Marie simply celebrated Ray's success. "Just like that everything is looking up for Raymond again.", he groaned.

During this whole time, Ray felt uneasy at today being another day where the whole world was crashing in on him. To him, his family was his world. And the weight of his world was making him question whether or not to let go of that weight and run. Even he was not so sure of what his qualms were about the zoo. In fact it was rare of him to have such an introspective moment like this especially knowing from history his problems would be solved by the end of the day, when the whole day feels like it passed by in half an hour. He even considered going to the zoo himself, so he would have a easier time going with Debra later on in the week. "Could I really go through with it?", he thought to himself.

After taking a break from his thoughts, he tuned into the real world and noticed everybody is back in the living room on the couches bickering about what seemed like everything under the sun while the game was on. Something about Debra's cooking, something about Ray's zoo situation, another one of Frank's marriage grievances. Ray had to squint his eyes to see if what he thought he saw was really there. "When the hell did Amy get here?", Ray nasally shrieked. At some point Robert's wife Amy must have made it to the house. "I should have expected that", Ray said in retrospect. Feeling unheard, he took the remote and ceased the usual tv programming."

"Hey what was that for?!", Frank moaned.

"You know what, I'll show you all, I'll head to the zoo right now.", Ray declared.

Ray took his jacket and walked out of the house. The room was so quiet the sound of the door closing felt more amplified than usual.

"That doesn't mean you have to turn of the game, we were really focused on it!", Frank ironically stated.

Debra thought to follow Ray, but at the same moment, thought about letting Ray do this on his own, feeling certain Ray was going to make it out okay and have no problem whatsoever. Either way she figured to let him figure it out on his own the Zoo is a lot better than what he exaggerates in fear.

Outside the house, He walked to his car, thinking to himself, "This might not be solved sooner than I hoped." In a matter of moments, he turned on the ignition, pulled out of the driveway, and headed out to prove something. It also did not hurt to get away from his neighbors across the street for a while. Ray sat back in comfort as he drove down the street, unaware of what this zoo he is going to has in store for him.


	2. Ray's Zoo Tour

Raymond found the drive to the zoo relaxing even though it was not the quickest drive. Simply being alone in the car was helping him decompress as he drove away from Long Island into the tourist-loaded city traffic. Still, Ray paid no mind to it. Today was a day all to himself away from the niche suburban living for a day of fun.

Ray spent the majority of the ride alone with his thoughts. Sometimes he was admiring the scenery, and at other points he kept thinking back to whether or not he was actually going to go through with his day at the zoo. Thinking about how he's been used to taking things lightly over the many years gave him some comfort, but moments of doubt crept in and out, giving his heart a pounding sensation as he drove. Most of all, he was wondering if this fear of wild animals was deeper than simple apprehension, or if its just all in his head.

His thoughts passed like the clouds in the sky, the drive was uneventful up until about a few miles near Pelham Bay when a deer had a near collision with Ray's car. Shook up after slamming the breaks, the deer slowly made its way to the other side. "Gee, would it be better or worse if they walked and acted like we do? Maybe they would know a little something called rising insurance premiums, wouldn't hit my car then!", Ray pondered out loud, since no one was in the car to witness his impromptu stand-up comedy routine.

The thought shook off quickly as Ray was getting closer yet he felt so far away having to stop at nearly every red light ahead to his destination. It was one of the mundanities of driving in city traffic. Sometimes on a lucky day, every light would change to green as he passed each intersection. Today, he was not so fortunate, but it did buy him more time to make sure he was ready for this.

"Ah, here goes nothing", said Ray, he finally opened the car door after sitting in his parking spot for thirty minutes. He slammed the door shut and a loud elephant rumble immediately followed, provoking a brief spastic fit. A family on the parking row across are all turned their heads towards him confused and concerned. Quickly he tried to regain his composure and simply waved saying, "Nothing to worry about here, folks." The family moved on and walked towards the entrance.

He sighed, "That wasn't too bad, be cool Ray. Be that sexy, sexy man your wife can't ever resist. He felt a burst of confidence in his self talk and began to flex a little with no one around, basking in his self-glory until it was cut short when the elephant trumpeted again. Ray twitched although less the second time. Deciding he spent too much time and was getting nowhere, he locked the car door and walked briskly to towards the entrance.

At the ticket booth, Ray stood through the opening crowd line, hoping his patience would not run thin. Nevertheless, he was calm and was certain to see everything since being early meant he was further from closing time.

When Ray finally got to the front of the line, he asked for just a single ticket. "And anyone else?", asked the ticket vendor with a heavy Bronx accent.

"Uhhh,.." Ray looked to his sides and behind and finished, "just me today."

"Just you?" the bewildered vendor asked. "Everything alright at home?, you know the sports bar isn't far from here", he continued. "What do you mean?", asked Ray.

"Aren't you Ray Barone, from Newsday? You do the sports articles, right?", the vendor said as his words grew in excitement.

"That's me!", Ray felt the vendor's enthusiasm rub off on him, genuinely happy to meet someone who enjoys his work.

After a short session of typical sports banter, the vendor asks, "What brings you to the zoo by yourself, though?

"I'm just trying to prove a point.", Ray said confidently.

"That's alright. We just don't get many solo guests, you know. Last time I remember having a solo guy come in, he caused a lot of trouble."

Unbeknownst to Ray, in the vendors office was a medium-sized sign with a portrait of a old, balding man with gray hair and the words "DO NOT ADMIT" captioned beneath.

"It's a lot different today, though. Maybe it's the weekend tourist flow with beginning of spring, who knows? You're not the only solo one that's for sure. Hey! Actually…." the vendor grabbed one of Ray's hands resting on the counter. "Uh what is this?", Ray said with apprehension lingering of what might have come from this gesture.

"There's a tour group about to start soon, and they're all here on their own. It would be great for you. In fact…."

The vendor hit a few buttons on his computer and out came a new admission ticket which he ripped off the printer and gave to Ray. "Here, it's on us, the group is meeting up near the fountain, have a great time!"

Ray was equally baffled and elated at this kind gesture. After thanking the vendor he walked towards the turnstiles. "I'm still "da" man", he affirmed to himself, and began another confident few strides and was finally at the zoo for the day.

As he walked towards the fountain as instructed by the vendor, everything at this point was so far so good. It was a decent weekend crowd, with abundant conversations filling the air. A short number of steps passing the entrance, Ray saw the fountain. Happy he would have no trouble finding it, he walked ahead feeling comfortable to be exploring the animals with a group.

The fountain captured Ray's eyes. Normally during outings it was unusual for Ray to actually have time to appreciate the surroundings. Usually he and Debra had their eyes glued to one of three things; the map, their kids, and the exit.

Today was different. Ray felt a genuine smile form and thought, "This is going to be different, this is going to be good."

Right after, Ray had to hold that thought as a tall, lanky man with long, thick, lion-like hair started running around the group of solo travelers clanging a bell roaring, "Hello everybody, who is ready to have some fun?

Instantaneously the whole group raised their hands up and cheered with a collective "Woo!" in response to their tour guide. Ray merely looked around like a lone befuddled man in the middle of an overly excited mob of tourists. "Woo!", Ray uttered softly in a delayed reaction.

"Just because you are _owl_ by yourselves, doesn't make the zoo less fun! Welcome to the greatest tour group experience at what I shall call is the best Zoo on the east coast!"

The enthusiastic tour guide proceeded to share high-five gestures with all of the tourists. He was very swift in getting through everybody and sharing the excitement. Once he got to Ray, his speed went to a halt. After exchanging a high five with him, the two recognized someone familiar.

"Ray?"

"Cousin Gerard?"

Ray was shocked beyond words to see his annoying, hypochondriac cousin Gerard, now as the exuberant zoo tour guide.

"What? How? Why?", Ray only found himself able to form one word questions.

Gerard replied camly and simply with zen, "The Inner Path, Raymond. The Inner Path." in reference to the success he found in the Hawaiian shirt-clad support group he was a part of. He even got Ray's brother to join after Marie and Debra's strife took a turn for the worst several years ago.

Without missing a beat after this discovery, Gerard called for the groups attention, "Hey everybody its my cousin Raymond! He's a sportswriter for Newsday!"

"Okay, Gerard, thank you that's enough", Ray insisted.

"Before we get the tour started, lets all cheer for Raymond!"

And then Gerard softly clapped his hands and loudly whispered Raymond repeatedly, each repetition increasing in volume as everyone began chanting his name and clapping in unison.

"Raymond! Ramond! Raymond! Raymond! Raymond! Wooooooooooooo!"

Ray's mouth agape, mildly disoriented from the cheering coming from out of the blue, he thought to himself and whispered, "How did I get here?"

Right after this thought Gerard laid a comforting hand on Ray's shoulder and cheered, "The Inner Path!"

After finishing his enthusiastic warm up Gerard then said, "I can't _bear_ to wait any longer, and I know neither can you. Let's get started!"

"Oh dear", groaned Ray.

"Sorry Ray, no deer here. But i'm sure the first animal we see won't just be _lion_ around!", Gerard said in response.

Ray was catching on to the fact that this tour was going to be quite punful. As predicted, the first exhibit they saw were the lions exhibit.

"And here we have the lions, since its the morning they are still waking up to smell the _dandy lions_!"

One of the tourists in the group who looked sunburnt to a crisp chimed in, "Wow they are big, you really weren't _kitten_ around."

The group erupted with laughter. Ray was too busy wondering if there was another zoo in the city area he could go to before it was too late. Nevertheless, he was already there and decided to continue on doing what he set out to accomplish, spending much needed time away from his neighboring parents and experience the zoo firsthand.

After leaving the lions exhibit, the group moved on to to see the grizzly bears roaming around. One let out a low but loud bellow. Ray quipped to Gerard, "When did your zoo have Robert as the main attraction?"

"What do you mean, we don't have a Bigfoot section!", Gerard fired back. The two cousins shared a laugh and Ray got over the lame animal puns putting a damper on the tour. Ray was hoping this bliss was not cut short at any point during his time here.

After a break for food the tour resumed. Ray, still pining for food came out to meet up with the group donned with two jumbo pretzels in both his hands. The group moved on to the gorilla exhibit. All was well until one of the primates decided what was Ray's was also his and helped himself to the other pretzel Ray was more than eager to finish.

"Hey! Why I oughta…" Ray was ready to stick his hand through the gate to reclaim his pretzel, until Gerard pulled his arm out.

"Raymond, just let it go, even if you got it back, it won't be the way you would like it!", Gerard assured him. "Also you don't want to be kicked out like this guy. Look familiar?"

Gerard then pulled out a sign that he has seen throughout the management and admission offices. It was the same sign that made the ticket vendor apprehensive towards visitors coming alone.

"Is that my dad?", asked Ray.

"Afraid so, he started chasing a zebra that took his snack. Our zookeepers had to get him before he hurt himself or the animals. Then just like that, banned for life."

"Maybe that's why I have a bad feeling with zoos.", Ray wondered.

"You seem to be having a great time today, nobody is _giraffing_ you crazy today.", Gerard responded continuing his series of puns.

" _You_ have got to be kidding me!", said Ray.

Gerard began to walk towards another exhibit leading the group with him "Sorry Ray, no lady sheep at this zoo either."

"That wasn't a pun!" Ray exclaimed. He sighed and followed along with the group towards the flamingo exhibit.

Ray's good mood was about to take a downturn. One of the ticket vendors went up to Gerard and asked if he could add five more people to his group. Overenthusiastic, he said, "Of course! The more the merrier! How bad could five more people be?"

Behind Ray came a voice too familiar as if he was back on Fowler Avenue in Lynbrook.

"Hiya dear!"

Ray's eyes grew bigger, nearly ready to pop out. He slowly turned his head to the same speed as a turtle's. At that point he swore there was a choir singing Carl Orff's "O Fortuna" playing in the distance. From of the corner of his eye he saw his mother, then gasped and fully turned around to also see Frank, Debra, Robert, and Amy.

His response of horror turned into instant hilarity when he saw Frank sporting a very unfitting wig with long grey hair, as the whole group proceeded towards the flamingos.

"Like this, Gerard." Ray said, pointing at his family. It's another one of my nightmares coming true."

"Oh stop Raymond, you're not happy to see us? We thought about you and wanted to drop by"

"What's the special occasion, your second family?", Ray asked while he lead his hand to point out all the animals around them.

"I don't like that, Raymond", Marie said calmly yet unamused at his little jest.

"Yeah we didn't have to buy her a ticket, we told them she was a donation to the zoo!" Frank added. Marie, even more upset with the jokes delivered a disapproving slap on Frank's arm.

"Before I laugh at that, I need to ask about _that_ " Ray said as he then pointed his finger at the very ill-conceived wig on Frank's head.

"You think they are not going to notice?", asked Ray.  
"What, an uncle spending the day out with his nieces and nephews? I gotta tell you, my twin brother Frank was definitely the one to give you kids all the good looks." Marie rolled her eyes yet again.

"But what if they do this?" Ray motioned to try and pull off Frank's wig, to no avail. A confused Ray looked at Frank who had a sly face explain that it was none other than; "Superglue, son".

Ray shook his head as Frank continued, "I'm thinking of making this a permanent thing."  
Instantly after that the whole family shouted "Don't" in perfect unison.

"Come on, you know where I had to get this wig?", asked Frank.

"The wildlife of the New York City subway?", replied Ray.

"Your back?", Debra added, feeling a rise in power by ribbing her father-in-law.

"The Penguin from Batman?", Amy contributed in her usual overexcited demeanor.

"Mom's closet?", Robert attached to the series of punchlines.

Marie at her wit's end of all the jokes, snatched Robert's meatball sandwich and took a few bites before finishing it, all while making eye contact during the whole consumption. Robert's laughter turned into an exasperated frown.

"You did it Ma, you took another thing I loved dearly." Robert lamented, only for his mood to lighten up when Amy stood by him giving him a warm, loving hug.

After a plethora of one-liners poking fun at Frank's wig, Debra joined Ray walking along with him away from the family.

"You won't believe what it was like driving with them.", Debra said in a usual passive-aggressive manner. "How do you figure, honey?", asked Ray.

"Frank's driving was insane, I understand why your brother was going to suspend his license."

"He's always been like that, hey you're alive!"

"Almost made it alive, having survived the car turning into a gas chamber!", Debra blurted.

"What do you mean?", asked a growingly curious Ray.

"Frank made a tooting noise, and it wasn't the car horn!"

Ray, now covering his dropped jaw in response, could only come up with, "Seriously?"

"You should know, or maybe not since you sleep through your own horn tooting", Debra added.

Ray was taken back by this statement. "Honey, there's no way I….."

"Oh yeah you do, Ray. It's like having a whole tuba section in our bedroom"

A nearby couple overheard this conversation, looking at them with raised eyebrows. Ray turned his back to the couple as they walked away and pulled Debra to him into a hug, whispering in her ear. "My love, this problem is for another day."

The group finally made it to the fence overlooking a flamingo oasis exhibit, complete with small bodies of water along with grass and sand for the beautiful pink birds to graze.

Watching the flamingos bending and grazing in combination with his added confidence being out on his own throughout the day led him to be sillier than usual with Debra.

"Hey Debra, look at this flamingo right next to you!"

Debra turned quickly, frightened expecting to see a flamingo right by her, only for it to be Ray leaning on the fence pretending he's about to go over it.

"Ray stop being funny and get down!"

"Oh come on, honey!" Ray put a pointy finger over his nose emulating the beak of a flamingo and made squawking noises trying to get Debra to laugh a little. She relented and started to form a smile. That was until that heartwarming moment turned into heart-stopping when Ray's weight went over the fence sending him over.

"Debraaaaaaa!" Ray screamed as he went down. Ray's wife, family, cousin and the rest of the tour groups gasped and screamed. The screaming intensified when something out of the ordinary happened.

Everybody was at least hoping that the impact of the fall didn't hurt Ray, but they didn't expect him to go headfirst into the exhibit pond near where he fell, he splashed into what seemed like a shallow puddle, but went completely under. Robert jumped over the fence and flopped on his stomach over the small pond, not going through like his brother did. Robert got up virtually uninjured, and felt relieved until he saw a group of flamingos charging at him.

Robert is then seen screaming, his usual burly voice rose in pitch as he got more frightened as he was trying to outrun the flamingos. "These birds are going savage!". Running like hell, he finally found a ledge to get up and out of the exhibit and back to safety.

"Robbie!", Marie and Amy screamed as they ran to Robert, attending to him.

"Where did he go?" Debra asked Gerard, while holding a vice grip on his shirt.

"Maybe a portal to another dimension, I don't know, lady.", Gerard said with overconfidence in his witty reply. Debra's grip only grew tighter with her eyes growing angrier.

Meanwhile, Ray was still screaming as he felt like he was falling down a bottomless pit. All he could see around him now were a bunch of shades of blue mixing together in harmony, with nothing to be seen at the end of where he was falling.

Suddenly the vibrant colors stopped at Ray's screaming came to an instant halt and a loud thud as his body stopped falling. Feeling the floor, he got up looking around for a way out of the dimly lit area. Eventually his walking stopped as he hit a wall. Feeling around, his hand felt something cold and made out of steel. Feeling around more it was apparent that it was a ladder, going up to a light faintly seen to the naked eye.

He made his way up the ladder, and the light grew bigger in size. Once Ray came face to face with the light he noticed something was blocking it. Moving his hand through the hole the light was coming through, he pushed around and felt something move and the light grew larger. Surmising this to be a manhole cover of a sewer, he pushed more and more until the hole was completely open and he could go through.

As he got out and back on this two feet, Ray gasped louder than he ever has in his life at the sight present before his eyes. Standing in the middle of a busy street, cars were surrounding him at every angle honking for him to get out of the way. He ran towards the sidewalk, his shock growing as what he was saw was not like the city he knows so well.

"Animals are driving, and they're walking.", Ray thought to himself "What is going on?", Ray began to shout.

As he walked down the sidewalk, a bunch of animals passing by were breaking their necks as they caught a glimpse of Ray walking down the street. Kits in Junior Ranger Scout uniforms screamed in shock as their leader followed suit when they locked sight on this strange animal walking amongst them.

Ray kept moving forward looking around when he felt a tapping of his shoulder. He turned to the side where he then craned his head up to be face to face with a moose standing on two legs like he was.

"What are you?!" asked the moose.

"Uh.. Italian?", Ray replied, an aghast look taking over his face trying to comprehend the fact that a moose is talking to him.

"Italian? What kind of animal is that?"

"Animal? I'm not an animal. Just where am I and how do I get back to the zoo?!" Ray's voice trembling with addled anxiety.

The moose directed Ray to a large screen and walked away.

Ray walked towards it, walking in the middle of a metropolis that reminds him all too well of walking around Times Square. As he focused on the screen, he saw what looked like an antelope with long blonde hair and a shiny embroidered red dress. She began to speak.

"I'm Gazelle. Welcome to Zootopia."

As he turned away from the screen and looked on down the sidewalk and all the buildings surrounding him.

"Zootopia?" Ray pondered to himself out loud.

"Where anyone can be anything!", piped a short rabbit in a police uniform as she blindly placed a sticker on Ray's jeans and carried on hopping past him down the sidewalk.

Ray pulled the sticker off his pants and read out loud, "Junior ZPD Officer?"

The confusion grown too great for Ray. Everything looked familiar to him, a huge city in the likes of Manhattan, yet that was weighed down by the unfamiliarity of everyone being walking and talking animals.

"How did I get here?" Ray asked out loud to himself.


	3. It's Called a Human

Desperate for answers, Raymond knew he could not stand around idly especially when the herds of Zootopia residents were moving forward with no means of stopping. Ray went along with the flow of commuters on a beautiful sunny day in an unfamiliar universe. In his mind, Ray believed he had seen it all, but being in a new world knocked him further out the park than all of the greatest Yankee's home runs combined.

"At least this zoo gives you your money's worth, plus it's good to be out of the house", Ray thought while looking on the bright side.

As Ray walked and observed his surroundings he couldn't keep his jaw closed while taking in the sights and sounds Zootopia had to offer, while disregarding the strange looks he got from passersby.

Like entering any major city for the first time, Ray found himself walking with his head up so high that his neck had the hardest time adjusting. It was a dream escape everyone has had at least once, to get away from one's problems. For Ray, it was an escape from the frequent annoyances Frank, Marie, and his brother Robert gave him on a daily basis. Despite the joy of freedom from his crazy family's antics, shortly after he felt a wave of sadness that he was going through this journey without Debra. Despite marriage's flaws, when you come home to the same person everyday, as long as it is with the right person, it makes the love and marriage a good thing. With everything going on, all Ray wanted was his wife.

Overcome with sadness at this realization, Ray's breathing grew heavier with each heave. He mustered all the energy in his voice in a desperate attempt to call out for Debra, feeling though he was at rock bottom.

"Debra! Honey! Somebody!"

It was bad enough that the residents of Zootopia were gawking at him as they passed him by, but now they were concerned for their safety. Ray took on a whole new meaning to the term "wild animal" when they saw him. When the fear got to the better of them, more animals on the busy sidewalk were finding ways to get onto the other side of the street, or running into nearby stores, afraid of what this man was going to do, and what this species unknown to them was capable of.

A few moments later, Ray crossed paths with a skunk too busy texting to know what was going on in the moment. She bumped in to him, looking up at the six-foot-tall giant man shadowing over her. "Uh oh", Ray whispered to himself. This quiet whisper elevated to a nasally scream instantly as Ray took off as fast as he could down the street. The skunk could merely shrug her shoulders and continued texting as she went about her day.

As Ray was losing breath, he slowed down until he stopped near a flower shop. He came to a complete stop right at the entrance door, he squatted down with his hands on his knees and took a few deep conscious breaths until he could stand up again. As he got up, the flower shop door slammed open and the owner came out alarmed and hyper-vigilant.

"Who are you?! What do you want?! What are you doing here?!", the frantic florist pig rapidly yelled.

"Nothing, I don't want any trouble! I need help, I don't know how I got here!", Ray yelled back in defense. "I just want to know how I got here, I need to find my wife Debra."

"Who?", the florist asked.

"Debra, she's my wife! I just want to be with her, she's my everything. Ever heard of marriage in this Zootopia Land World Place?", asked Ray.

"It's just called Zootopia, and of course there's marriage here. What do you think, we're all a bunch of savages?", the florist asked back.

"Uh, yes?", Ray said apprehensively.

The store owner's wife emerged from the entrance door to be by his side, gasping upon making eye contact with Ray. Animals from nearby stores and those who were passing by stopped to see Ray interact with the two.

"Our society has evolved from such savagery a long time ago! What's not to convince me and Jennifer here that you are a savage yourself!", exclaimed the florist.

Animals on the sidewalk took a defensive stance, preparing themselves in case the unknown one attacks the store owners.

His wife, on the other hand, took a more calm approach. "What my husband is trying to ask is…", as Jennifer lunged a playful poke in his belly when he subsequently let out an amusing squeal. "… is what are you? We've never seen an animal like you around here."

"Well I'm Raymond Barone, and I guess I'm what they call a human being. We walk on two feet, and have opposable thumbs, I'm married to my wife Debra, who is also a human.", Ray explained. "My question though, is why are all the animals here walking and talking like me?"

"Hello? Human-brain? What part of evolved did you not understand?", the florist sarcastically quipped as he lightly tapped on Ray's head.

"How did you get here?" asked Jennifer

"I. Don't. Know." Ray said growing in frustration as he raised his enunciation of each word after a brief pause in between. "I came from a place called Long Island"

" _Fawn_ Island?", asked the florist. "You look a bit too big to be a baby animal."

"No no no, Long Island!", said Ray, growing a little frustrated at the mishearing. He continued to talk, slowly letting his guard down as his voice of frustration became a voice of despondence.

"I'm just as curious as the both of you. I would love nothing more than to know all of the answers, go back home and live my life as a sportswriter, be with Debra, have her cook dinner, then go to my mom's house right across for her cooking right afterwards."

The worrisome fears of the surrounding animals were slowly waning as all that they saw was a unknown species acting like a normal evolved animal, in need of help. Civil, virtually harmless, and with an amusing nasal speaking tone. As it became apparent that there was nothing to be seen or to worry about, the city folk gradually continued about their daily commute.

"It seems you have a pretty good life. I bet everybody there loves you, Raymond.", Jennifer said.

"You have no idea.", said Ray in a tone that was both equal parts serious and sarcastic. "Anyway, where do I find the "Junior ZPD Officers" I assume they are the law enforcement around here?" Ray pulled out the Junior ZPD Officer sticker he randomly received upon entering Zootopia.

Jennifer let out a squeal in laughter. "Oh Raymond. Raymond, Raymond, Raymond. You couldn't be more new to this place even if you tried. I think you just want the ZPD. They will probably help you out a lot better over at Precinct One. They have the finest officers out there to protect and serve our people."

"How do I get there?", asked Ray.

"Keep going down this street until you get to the heart of the city, you can't miss it. The building is circular in structure, when you see the sign above the door saying "POLICE", you're there", the florist explained.

"Thanks you two, you're the first helpful people I met here, I got to get going!", Ray said in gratitude as he, the florist and his wife said their goodbyes.

As Ray left to walk to Precinct One, the store owner and his wife held each other side by side looking as the first human they ever met walked into the heart of Zootopia.

"You know, he seems really nice.", said Jennifer. "If all humans are like that and everybody seems to love him, he'll be good here."

"Sweetie, you're crazy. I wonder if marriage drives the guys insane over there in that Long Island place like they do here", her husband replied.

"I don't like that, honey.", Jennifer said with a slight glare at her husband as she laid a loving slap on his face.

Meanwhile, Ray was feeling less uneasy as he was now walking with a purpose. Whatever new place Ray adjusted very well to whatever environment he was in. It didn't matter if it was situations like going to his children's school to hear a reading of the book "The Angry Family" that his son wrote, or participating in the Thanksgiving play that Amy's parents had his whole family dragged into. Any slice of Ray's life was unusual at best, and an introspective Ray saw that now he was here, it was time to make the most out of his situation, on his own. No Debra, although saddening, was overcome by the joy of no Frank and Marie, even if that meant having to do without the home cooked Italian delicacies.

With an optimistic look, he pressed on, embracing the surroundings around him, and the occasional stops for curious residents to get a picture with Ray. Once the herd of pictures halted after a while, Ray continued to enjoy the great big animal city. For Ray, it was truly a sight to be seen. Looking around seeing lions glued to their phones and texting, a giraffe height-adjusted juice bar, a fan drying service catered to the hippopotamus clientele, and so many animal wonders advanced far beyond his imagination.

Basking in the wonders and getting lost in his mind to all of Zootopia was cut short when a scurrying weasel and ZPD officers following past Ray accidentally shoved him aside, bringing him to a halt. The weasel was carrying a bag with a bunch of DVD's falling out one by one. A couple of copies fell by Raymond's foot amidst the chase. Out of curiosity he picked up two DVD covers. One was for the complete first season for a show called _The Lion King of Queens_ and a season 1 copy for the show _Everybody Loves Preymond_ ; a sitcom about the family clashes of a prey animal and his lioness predator wife Debroar living across the street from his parents.

Seeing a parallel between the premise of this show and his life, Ray was so thrown off by it he felt like he was in a barrel going down a waterfall. "What the hell is this, am I in an animal bizarro world or something?!", Ray asked out loud. The surrounding animals were so focused on the police chase going down the street that they could barely register Ray's outburst.

Thankful to be void of any embarrassment, Ray went along the path without getting sucked into the crowd hype for the chase. His journey included going through the grassy park near the center of Zootopia's hub and seeing animals playing soccer together. He reflected on this as he got out of the park trail and back into the city sidewalk. "Hm, I'll be able to catch sports games and lay around the couch if I live here whenever I want, all alone." Ray paused in his internal thought until finishing it by shouting "I love it here!" with his arms up in the air holding a victorious pose. His stance changed when he was bumped by a large hippo passing by. "Relax, Mister Optimism, why not check out Tundra Town and _chill out._ ", the hippo suggested to him.

Ray was not significantly bothered by his remark. He lived near the biggest city in the country and visited frequently whether for work or leisure and was used to the general rudeness of city people. Not to mention that ribbing comments at home were commonplace especially with his father. A day in Manhattan and a day in downtown Zootopia felt like the exact same experience. He hoped that the ZPD can help him out with his situation, having faith that the officers are as dedicated to their jobs as his brother is as a lieutenant for the NYPD.

A few uneventful blocks later, he started to see a large building with pillars that wrapped around a circular dimension. Nearing the building, he noticed an adjacent parking lot with rows of squad cars just like what Robert drives for his job. Hoping this was the building he needed to be at, he walked around the stairs looking for entrance doors. When he saw what looked like the main doors, he raised his head and saw in big words "POLICE" over the awning just like he was advised to look for. He assumed a stance of confidence, and walked through the doors.

Inside the main lobby Ray walked inside to see multiple animals, mostly predators in typical police uniforms similar to that of his brother. Officers were going about their day, heading out for patrol duty, filling out reports, and at the corner of Ray's vision a officer came in with a muzzled wolf he detained. Ray fixed his focus on this almost immediately, curious to see a ZPD police booking in progress.

"I'm telling you, he bared his teeth first!", cried the wolf.

"Yeah, and Pred Bull actually gives you wings! That was not what happened the first time, and we know it's not what is happening now. Off we go.", Officer Fangmeyer responded while rolling his eyes.

Ray saw the wolf being escorted away and refocused on getting information to know more about the big city where anyone can be anything. He walked toward the center of the main lobby and noticed a reception desk being manned by a large cheetah officer who seemed to be more engrossed in food than his work.

Nonetheless, Ray figured he would go to the corpulent desk officer and try and get all the help he can get.

"Excuse me sir.", Ray said.

The cheetah seemed to be in his own world where he was truly lost in the food spread all over the desk. He was leaning back on his chair and tossing up doughnut after doughnut, with each one perfectly landing in his mouth with beautiful flourish. His eyes were closed to fully indulge in the sugary goodness marathon dancing on his taste buds, completely unaware of Ray calling for his attention.

"Excuse me Mister, uh…", Ray said before he paused to look at the desk tag. "Clawhauser?"

The effort made by calling his name was fruitless. Officer Clawhauser had more important priorities in this moment; food and more food. Ray attempted to call him once more.

"Hello sir, I'm Raymond Barone; the new officer", Ray said ironically while flashing the Junior ZPD sticker now on his shirt pocket.

When Ray used the word "officer", it finally brought Clawhauser back to the present. His eyes still closed, he managed to put the doughnut in his hand on the table as if he had a sixth sense for his desk surroundings. As he turned, he began to speak with his eyes remaining shut.

"Hello, how may I he…..", Clawhauser's sentence was cut short by a quiet shriek when he opened his eyes and came face-to-face with Ray, the first human he has ever seen. He dived down behind his desk only to slowly come back up until he again saw Ray standing in front of him.

Clawhauser regained his composure and spoke again, "Oh. M. Goodness, I've never seen an animal like you before. With hair only on top of your head, a big nose, and that nasally voice. How did you make it here without making a mass hysteria."

"Does that voicemail machine read 211 missed calls?", Ray asked, pointing at the bright flashing screen on the desk phone, with the word "Urgent" in bold underneath the voicemail alert.

"Oh man, I have no idea how long I've been on my lunch break.", Clawhauser said.

Ray observed this very well for the whole time he tried to get his attention. "Clearly", he said.

Ray continued, "I'm Raymond Barone. I'm a human, from Long Island. I fell through a pond and next thing I know i'm feel like I'm in some kind of portal right out of a science fiction and I come out in a world where animals talk and walk on two, and they text, and they….."

Ray was getting light headed from the magnitude of his situation brought forth by his explanation and began to hold onto the desk to avoid falling down hard, preparing to faint. Clawhauser grabbed his arms to lift him back up on his feet.

"Awww, you're a lost animal, you poor thing.", Clawhauser said with sympathy.

Ray regained his balance on his own and finished his story.

"All I remember most was when I got here, this animal named Gazelle welcomed me to Zootopia on the big screen downtown."

Clawhauser gasped and brought his hands to his mouth to cover the giant smile he had when Ray mentioned Gazelle.

"First day here and you are familiar with the greatest singer of our lifetime, the angel with horns, the one and only Gazelle?!", Clawhauser said at a rapid pace.

Before Ray could respond, Clawhauser continued on. "She's amazing! Have you seen the Gazelle app?"

Before Ray could respond with the obvious "no" answer, Clawhauser pulled out his phone and took a picture of Ray. "Ooh, never got a picture of a human before!", he said.

He brought the phone closer to him and began tapping and sliding his fingers on the screen.

"Aren't you supposed to be…..", Ray asked until he was intercepted by Clawhauser's phone being presented to his face.

On the screen Gazelle is seen dancing to a techno instrumental music piece.

"See look there's Gazelle. Now look who's beside her, Clawhauser said.

The video zooms out and right beside Gazelle is a muscular dancer with the fur of a tiger, and Ray's head superimposed on where the tiger's head should be. The still image of Ray's face with his mouth open is moving along with the tiger's body and the music.

"Wow, you are one hot dancer, Raymond Barone", Gazelle said on screen.

"It's me on a tiger's body.", Ray observed.

"I know isn't it amazing. Did you think it it was real?, it looks so real.", Clawhauser unable to contain his excitement merely for the app of his favorite singer.

"Oh yeah, with a body like this, even I was fooled.", Ray said sarcastically while giving the phone back to Clawhauser.

"I actually have two tickets to see her tonight, but no plus one. I thought about giving them away to a willing couple here.", Clawhauser lamented, while staring off into the distance with his chin resting on his paw.

"Well you're such a big fan, why don't you just go?", Ray asked.

Clawhauser was too zoned out to hear his question.

"Oh come on, how distracted are you on a daily basis?", Ray asked in addition.

"I thought about giving them the tickets", Clawhauser said followed with a dreamy sigh.

"But why are you staring at them like that, all dreamy and misty-eyed. What's up with them?"

"Oh they're partners in the force", Clawhauser responded. "They've always seemed like the perfect match since he joined the ZPD and started working with her."

"Really?", Ray pondered. "You mean here in Zootopia a fox man and a rabbit woman could…."

"Tie the knot?", Clawhauser interjected. "Oh I hope so for them, I haven't been to a wedding in a while."

"When animals get married here, do they last forever?", Ray asked.

"Of course, that's what marriage is all of them! Together for life!", Clawhauser said while gleefully chomping down on his last doughnut.

"Sounds like my parent's dream come true.", Ray joked to himself.

He continued, "To be honest Clawhauser, I have nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no place to sleep. If you don't mind, I'd like to go see this Gazelle star sing, I mean there's nothing else for me to really do. It actually sounds cool, though! Antelopes certainly don't sing where I'm from."

Clawhauser pondered looking up at the ceiling, his finger tapping his chin. "Hmmm, you know what, I think it's a yes from me. You seem like a nice animal, although the hair only being on your head is wigging me out a little."

"It's a human thing, we're all pretty harmless. Unless my dad is driving, or whenever my brother Robert towers over somebody, which is all the time.", Ray mentioned.

"I gotta say, for someone who barely knows Gazelle compared to me, you really are in the spirit of her "Try Everything" song", Clawhauser said.

Ray was taken back by this statement. In just a day's worth he found himself trying so many new things today, all starting with trying to head out to the zoo to get over a fear he had of wild animals, which lead him to a world of wild animals, and despite all of that he continued to try and interact with a world he has no familiarity or any connection with. And now, he is quickly becoming an average citizen of Zootopia heading to one of the biggest concerts to date. Ray felt grateful, knowing that trying got him to the many opportunities and successes he has had the fortune of experiencing.

Ray returned to the conversation, "Try Everything, you say? I like the sound of that."

"Well you'll definitely hear it tonight! Lucky for you, my shift is ending in five minutes. We can leave here and get ready to go over!", Clawhauser said in excitement.

"I'll be alright with what I got on, no clothes here will probably fit me."

Clawhauser went on the reassuring offense to comfort Ray. "You'll find your way, Raymond. You seem like you have a lot to offer, and you'll make it work. Even if you're the only, uh, "heeyu-min" in Zootopia. But I would take off that silly ZPD sticker", he advised with a chuckle.

Time went by fast as Clawhauser was finished with his desk duty shift and signed out for the day.

Clawhauser and Ray walked out the ZPD main lobby to outside in downtown Zootopia. He rested his paw on Ray's shoulder and said, "Now its time for the fun, a Gazelle concert doesn't always happen often, so I gotta show you how we party Zootopia style!"

Confused and bewildered, Ray laughed along, not sure exactly what he was getting into.

* * *

It was dusk time in Zootopia, and herds were swarming to the concert stadium for Gazelle's concert.

Clawhauser and Ray managed to get an early place in line. Ray learned that even for what he eats, Clawhauser wastes no time to get moving to prepare for a Gazelle concert. His mouth was still agape at what this cheetah's speed could accomplish.

The only downside of getting early to a concert, was having to stand in line for the longest time. Ray hasn't seen a line this long since the time he and his brother were trying to get an autographs of the New York Mets team.

Ray was shuffling around his small standing space with other concertgoers while Clawhauser had his eyes fixated on the opening doors, bouncing in place eager to get in while sporting his favorite Gazelle tank top.

Being the polar opposite of such focus and determination, Ray decided to pass time by finding out more about the singer they were about to see.

"So, Clawhauser, what is it with Gazelle?", Ray asked.

"What do you mean?", Clawhauser asked back.

"All this, I mean, she's on the big screens all over downtown, there's this huge line behind us, I feel like the whole city is here! Even in New York everybody doesn't drop everything they're doing to head to a concert. But why Gazelle?"

Clawhauser, barely took in a deep breath before he started to speak.

"She goes beyond being a singer, its more than the beautiful voice and her stage charisma. Her songs inspire and make you think afterwards. Sometimes i'll start my day by listening to "Try Everything" and it leaves me in the best mood for the rest of the day. Not to mention, she is pretty much the face of Zootopia, besides Mayor Lionheart. She's on commercials, she's performed for sporting events, and she genuinely loves living here in Zootopia, she represents the pride all of us have to live here, "where anyone can be anything."

"Wow", is all Ray could say in response. It was not often that Ray would hear such profound passion for living. The suburban routine was but a mere rinse and repeat for Ray and his family on a daily basis. Going to work, coming home, arguing about something Ray did, Marie showing up with lasagna, Frank dropping one of thousands of insults on Marie, going to bed, and unsuccessfully asking to shake up the bed frame with Debra only to be turned down and finally falling asleep.

"You're gonna love it!", Clawhauser exclaimed.

Ray couldn't help but feel another genuine smile form. Next thing the pair knew, the main doors opened and the venue was ready to let the first batch of ticket holders in. Clawhauser and Ray let out a relieving sigh when they felt the cool air conditioning blow over them. As they got to the general standing audience section, they found themselves with a great front view of the stage. Very quickly, the remainder of the crowd began filling the space behind them.

After a half hour of standing around and small talk echoing via the acoustics, the lights began to fade to dark and the cheering roared throughout the stadium. Colorful lights began to shine from the stage. A misty fog took over the setting and slowly the angel with horns floated onto the stage with a wire rigging, and the volume of cheering multiplied. As she walked towards the edge of the stage, Gazelle was on the limelight, shining from every angle. Without skipping a beat, the singing commenced.

"Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhhh"

As the audience around were clapping along to "Try Everything", Ray felt his foot subconsciously tap to the beat, followed by his head bobbing in sync. Meanwhile, Clawhauser had tunnel vision eyes on the star of the show, waving at his idol with a smile wider than his belly.

* * *

20 songs and an encore performance of "Try Everything" had went by like faster than a cheetah's running, and Gazelle said her goodnights to the entire audience, before heading backstage.

"Wow, you weren't kidding, Clawhauser", said Ray. "This was a great night! I almost forgot that I'm in a different universe. Usually my parents or Robert would have found their way in this by now."

"Yeah, too bad this night has to end, but there's no way it could get any better than this!", said Clawhauser.

As the crowd dispersed, Clawhauser and Ray began make their way to the exit now that there was room to move.

"Hey you two!", a voice called from behind.

Ray and Clawhauser turned around to see one of the tiger dancers standing before them. Clawhauser was nearly about to fall over Ray.

"Easy now, you're not dreaming.", the dancer assured. "We saw you guys up front dancing it up, and caught sight of you specifically busting some nice moves", pointing at Ray.

"Oh it's nothing, I just learned it from my brother.", Ray replied.

"There's more of you animals?", asked the dancer.

"Oh I get it, you want a picture with the human, haven't got that for a while.", Ray joked.

"Gazelle said she wanted to meet you.", the dancer pointing to the backstage door. "Want to join us backstage?"

Clawhauser heaved all the air he possibly could have taken in his lungs at the offer. "Ray you have to go! This is like the greatest thing in Zootopia besides living here!"

"Your friend can join too! You got some good moves, sir. I'm a little worried you might be taking my job!", said the dancer, letting out a roaring chuckle. "Uh, is your friend alright?"

Clawhauser's balance leaned over too far and brought Ray down to the floor with him. The tiger dancer rushed to help them up.

"I figured this might happen some day.", he said while pulling up Ray and then Clawhauser. "Come on, the door is this way."

Clawhauser could barely keep his excitement, Ray was dragging his feet exhausted from all of today's events, but happily obliged to the backstage experience to keep himself busy. After making it up and past the stage they made it to the green room, where all the stars were lounging.

Gazelle stood up and walked towards the pair. "In all my years performing, I never met anyone enthusiastic like you, as a matter of fact, I never met anyone like you, period."

"Yeah, I get that a lot, it's a human thing.", Ray quipped.

"A human, you say? What's your name?", asked Gazelle.

"Raymond Barone, and this is Clawhauser, uhhh….", Ray stuttered trying to figure out if his concert pal had a full name.  
"Benjamin Clawhauser", he interjected, while enthusiastically grabbing Gazelle's hoof, unwilling to break off their handshake. "Such a big fan of yours, you are amazing, you are perfect, you are…. I need to lie down", Clawhauser said before making his way to the couch.

"Nice to meet you both", she said with a warm smile. "Where are you humans from? What do you do? How did you get here?"

"We're from a lot of places. I'm from Long Island. We all live similar, but are very, very different individuals. I myself am a sportswriter. And that last question is a long story. Let's just put it this way. I go to a zoo, and I end up in Zootopia. Coming soon to theaters.", Ray explained with his short little jest at the end. He concluded with, "I have no idea how to get back, I'm not sure how long i'll be here, but I will say it's amazing. It's a pleasure for me to meet you as well, Gazelle.", Ray concluded.

After hours of sharing stories of his career, his family, and life in Long Island with everyone in the room, Gazelle spoke up.

"You said you were a sportswriter, right? I happen to know a few people with the Zootopia Times. Celebrity life, you know? I could put in a good word for you, they actually need a sportswriter last time I checked. Do you have what it takes?", Gazelle asked.

Ray couldn't believe the big opportunity that came before him. All the worries about his future plans in this animal city subsided when Ray figured he can do what he does best to make a living for however long he'll be in Zootopia.

"Absolutely! I would love to, thank you so much!", Ray exclaimed with gratitude, shaking Gazelle's hoof.

"My pleasure, not every day do you meet a human!", Gazelle said. "Good luck with everything!"

The hours backstage flew by faster than the concert itself. After pictures, autographs and free merchandise for Clawhauser, he and Ray made their way out the exit.

"Everybody's loving you Ray! The Zootopia Times is the most popular newspaper out here!", he cheered.

"Thanks, I hope it goes well. It's been a fun night. I guess I'll find a hotel for my time here."

"Nonsense, there's a couple vacancies at the Grand Pangolin Arms apartment nearby. One of our officers posted a advertisement for rooms there at the precinct. I think I have a copy somewhere, I was using it to write my grocery list.", Clawhauser said while pulling out the flyer from his backpack.

"Wow there's a lot of food on this shopping list, I'm not so surprised.", Ray joked while reading the list. He turned the paper around to read the listing. "Luxury apartments with Charm? Sounds very nice."

"Is the sun rising? I can't believe we were talking all night!", Clawhauser said, with surprise written on his face. "Welcome to Day 2 in Zootopia!, The landlady's office will probably be opening not too far from now. My place is nearby, I'll give you a ride back."

The short drive to Clawhauser's apartment had excitement and fervor in the air. The joy of new opportunities for Ray, and the greatest night ever etched in Clawhauser's memory, was bouncing around their minds until Clawhauser pulled up to his building. At this time, the morning was just beginning, and residents were heading out to work, sans Clawhauser, who fortunately had the day off.

"Your future apartment is right down the street. Best of luck, I'll be seeing you around!", Clawhauser said warmly.

"Thank you so much, the ticket, the help, everything!", Ray said, bringing him in for a handshake, before he went inside his apartment's garage after saying their goodbyes.

Jubilated with optimism, Ray made his way to find his place to stay in this new, exciting, zootropolis.


	4. Everybody Bugs Raymond

"And welcome to the Grand Pangolin Arms, Mr. Barone", Raymond's landlady said, with monotone enthusiasm.

"This is a luxury apartment, you say?", asked Ray.

"With charm!", she interjected, continuing her monotonic rhythm.

After an interesting interview with extensive questions about his species, and several lease signings, Ray took sight of the new room he will be living in for an indefinite time. "Remember there is complimentary de-lousing once a month", said Dharma Armadillo.  
Ray subconsciously started to scratch his scalp after hearing the mention of lice, afraid of having to shave his head and look like his father, much to Ray's horror.

"And don't lose your key!", she finished while slapping Ray's room key in his palm.

Dharma saw herself out the room while the door closed behind Ray, leaving him alone in his room. He walked around his small apartment, enough to fit a small bed, a radiator heater, a desk and chair, a mirror, and a clothes hanger. The hanger proved useless to Ray as the only clothing he had was the outfit he wore since he left his house in another universe.

The little open space was only big enough for Ray to walk around in very small circles. He walked towards the other end to see he had a nice view of the neighborhood from his window. He turned around to see his apartment from the opposite end.

Ray felt something unpleasant when examining the paw pad-abundant wallpaper, when he rubbed his fingers together he could only deduce it to a simple observation. "Greasy walls", Ray said to himself.

He then moved towards the bed and sat down on the edge, providing the most minimal comfort and a loud squeak upon sitting.

"Great, a rickety bed." Ray lamented.

However, Ray's moping waned as he zoned out. He picked his head up and said "At least there's no crazy neighbors!", and proceeded to lay out on his bed.

Soon after saying that, Ray heard a muffled sound come from his wall. "WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP", Ray heard from his wall.

"NO YOU SHUT UP", someone cried out in response. A back and forth screaming match with no context and no substantial arguing other than what seemed like who can say the words "shut up" the loudest came from what Ray concluded to be his next door neighbors.

"I spoke too soon", Ray said regretting his declaration.

He sighed and continued, "At least it's crazy neighbors that aren't my parents", forming a content smile.

As he closed his eyes, the arguing from Ray's neighbors grew louder, to the point where loud pounding could be heard from Ray's side of the wall.

Ray tried to ignore it, but with every pound, a short loud squeaking sound came from his bed. He opened his eyes and looked around, deeming everything to be safe. Another pound came from the neighbors and his mattress let out a longer squeak, which was not comforting for Ray as his eyes widened hoping what he thought might happen wouldn't.

Before he closed his eyes again, Ray said confidently, "Nah, if this bed can take my weight, there's no way that would happen!".

Ray made peace with the arguing until the one loud "shut up" heard around Zootopia pierced through the walls and without any noise or warning, Ray's bed frame cracked sending him and his mattress down to the floor. He rolled himself out of the bed and stood up quickly. As he pulled the mattress up he asked out loud, "What the hell is this bed frame made out of anyway?!"

He scanned the whole frame looking for the brand only to find a faded etching of "Certified Red Wood - N.W."

He kicked the bed in frustration. "Lousy wood breaking on my first hour here", Ray muttered. "Makes me wonder if they were made from popsicle sticks".

Ray felt his stomach rumble. He had not eaten since hanging out backstage at the Gazelle concert with Clawhauser. With all the excitement of getting a place to live and getting used to a new world it took a breaking bed to bring Ray back to his senses. He looked outside his window to look for any business that would sell food. He caught eye of a place called "Bug-Burga". The burger bun in the logo was enticing, yet Ray felt squeamish at the mention of bug in the name. It triggered a nauseating memory that he thought was long gone.

Before Robert finally married Amy, he thought "the one" was Angela. The perfect girlfriend, total marriage material, with favorable reception from the entire Barone family. Ray was happy for his brother until he saw Angela swat a fly perfectly with her hands, and without noticing Ray seeing her, eats the fly with a delicious satisfaction on her face. To make matters worse, nobody believed him.

Once he snapped back to reality again, Ray felt his stomach turn and turned his back on his view of the Bug-Burga building. He began to hypothesize an outlandish plan to find some comfort food, or for this matter, bring the comfort food to him. When he saw the mirror, the game of Bloody Mary came to mind.  
"If portal voodoo got me here, maybe it can work in other ways", Ray thought rubbing his hands in preparation. He walked over to the mirror in his room and was prepared to try to get supernatural access to the food he knows best.

"Let's see if this works", Ray said, letting out a quick exhale.

Staring at himself in the mirror, he spoke again out loud. "Marie's Cooking…Marie's Cooking….Marie's Cooking".

He looked around the room, and saw nothing has changed. Noticing this, he thought out loud some more, "Maybe I shouldn't expect too much". Then again he turned back to face the mirror, closed his eyes, and looked at his reflection hoping to summon something not as good as his initial wishes.

"Frank's Cooking…..Frank's Cooking…Frank's Cooking".

He turned around and saw again that nothing has changed.

"Okay, well at least that makes sense", he quipped.

Ray shuffled around the room, moving towards the window watching animals come in and out of the Bug-Burga. He walked back to the mirror to try the supernatural voodoo he hopes will definitely work.

"I really should be careful what I wish for… but i'm so hungry!", Ray whined.

He looked at himself in the mirror, took a deep breath and sighed in exhalation, scared of his desperate Bloody Mary voodoo wish to actually work this time. He began to chant once again to his reflection.

"Debra's Cooking…Debra's Cooking…Debra's Cooking".

Ray slowly moved his head scanning his apartment, exaggerating his perception of his wife's lackadaisical food quality. After checking one angle of the room he quickened the pace of his visual scan to see nothing has changed.  
"Oh, thank God", Ray sighed in relief.

He moved away from the mirror and walked out of his room into the hallway. At the far end was the communal kitchen which Ray walked towards hoping to find a solution to his hunger. In the small room was nothing more than a refrigerator, a wall cabinet and a microwave. He opened up the refrigerator to find it completely empty, to his horror. He closed the door and opened the freezer door to find nothing there either.

"Do all the bugs just crawl away?", he thought.

Ray opened the cabinet to find a lone box overcome by the empty air surrounding it. The box read "Carrots for One Cereal". He picked up the box and examined the contents, chuckling as he thought, "Cereal again, now it feels like home".

As he looked inside the box, he found just what the box described; tiny carrots made into a cereal to be part of a complete herbivore's breakfast. Ray felt his stomach rumble again, disappointed in what he has found while longing for some real protein. He was still holding a box when he sensed an animal's presence in the kitchen.

"What are you doing there, thief?", piped the rabbit, with her hands on her hips with an intimidating and inquisitive look in her eyes.

"Looking for a surprise prize inside the cereal and hoping it's a burger", Ray joked.

"You should probably check out to Bug-Burga down the street, then.", she said as she snatched her box of cereal back, unamused.

After putting the box back in the cabinet, she asked, "Aren't you the human?"

Ray let out a big smile baring his teeth as he snapped his head up and tried to suavely adjust the buttons on his shirt. He nasally responded, "Yeah, i'm the human!"

"The whole station has been buzzing about you. The dispatcher can't stop talking about being backstage with Gazelle.", she said

"Clawhauser?", Ray asked.  
"Yeah, you know it! You're Raymond then?"

"Hey, I'm _the_ human", Ray answered slyly pointing his thumbs at himself in a "this guy" fashion.

"Okay Mr. Big Shot, well I'm Judy, I live a floor above", she said. "Where are you living?"  
Ray and Judy were out in the hallway as he pointed to his room door in the distance.

"Oh sweet cheese, you poor thing! Just so you know, the couple next door are very loud, and they're not going to apologize for it so don't expect that from them at anytime", Judy advised.

"You used to live there?", Ray asked.

Judy sighed. "Yeah, when I first moved here from my family's farm in Bunnyburrow."

Ray giggled to himself. "Bunnyburrow? Where's that next to? Raccoon Ranch?"

She glared at Ray's quip. He followed back with, "Oh come on, don't look at me like that!"

Judy rolled her eyes and continued, "Anyway, when me and my boyfriend decided to move in together I knew we had to get another room, and we got lucky to lease a bigger apartment on the above floor. You'll get used to them though. Besides, with all there is here, you would be crazy to stay in that tiny room! I get that you're human and all, but you can't be shy. Remember, this is Zootopia, Where anyone can be anything!"

"I wish I can be my mother, that way i'll have something to eat", Ray joked.

"You haven't ate?", Judy asked "I don't know a lot about humans, but with those incisors you got there, you definitely need to eat something".

"Is there anything else to eat besides bugs?", Ray asked in response "I'm not trying to relive that. Nothing says someone isn't "the one" like eating bugs"

Judy was unamused. "My boyfriend eats at Bug-Burga all the time, what do you mean "not the one", hmmm?"

"You don't understand Judy. Us humans don't eat bugs or flies. My brother Robert had a girlfriend he thought was "the one". That was until I saw something no one else saw. She ate a fly."

"So?", Judy replied.

"No no no, listen. She caught a fly in her hand, put it in a napkin, then she opened it back, she picked up the fly, and then SHE ATE IT!"  
Ray held out the last three words with great length and emphasis. His eyes were bulging out while holding a statue pose. Judy noticed Ray becoming light headed and had her hands out ready to catch him.

"Okay whoa there big guy! You need to eat something soon", Judy stated.

"Is Bug-Burga really the only place?", asked Ray.  
"Just think of it like the burgers you eat in your other world", Judy assured him.

Ray whimpered as he closed his eyes imagining his view of the restaurant from his apartment.  
He was shuffling around with his hands in his pockets. "How would I get food anyway? I don't even have any….."

Ray cut his sentence short as he felt something unfamiliar brush his hand. He pulled out a crumpled ball of money with deer on them.

"Bucks?", Ray finished. "What's with the animal puns everywhere? A comedian like me knows puns are the least funny of all the jokes"

Judy covered her mouth holding back laughter. "I don't know if you should be calling yourself a comedian. You see, comedians actually have funny lines".

He let out a sarcastic laugh in response. "You see Carrot Top, to be funny all you need is a team of writers!", Ray remarked.

Feeling knocked down by the pet name Ray gave her, Judy tried to set him up.  
"You know what I think, Ray?", she asked.  
"Is that like a trick question?", Ray replied back. "If the answer is "yes" then do I still have to hear it?"

Judy began again, "I think you're just stalling to get some food from me so you don't have to try something new!"

Ray mockingly made a inquisitive pose in response to Judy's observation. He laughed to himself and proceeded to pose his hand to make a "stop" gesture to her. "Hold on, I listened to two repetitions of Shakira's "Try Everything", I think I know what it means to try and what you're imploring. It was very nice to meet you, good day". He then walked past Judy and down the hall near the exit.

Judy yelled from the other end, "Where are you going?"

Ray turned around and simply said, "I'm getting food" and held a victory fist before he turned back around to leave the hallway.

Judy stood still, content that she did a good favor for her new neighbor, while feeling smug that her reverse psychology was the catalyst in getting it done. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and pressed on the touch screen a few times before bringing the phone to her ear.

"Hey sweetheart, guess who just hustled the human?"

Meanwhile, Ray was outside the apartment building and made his uneventful journey to the restaurant. As he got inside and stood on line, he caught the brief attention of other animal predators dining before they went about their usual eating.

He finally got to the front of the line and was greeted by a badger at the cash register.

"I'd just like to have one of what you animals call a burger", he asked the cashier while handing him his "bucks". When he picked up his bug burger he found a empty table and chair nearby and sat down.

Ray sat and stared at the sandwich on his plate, multiple unnerving feelings going throughout his body, mainly his stomach. "Why am I sweating like this?", he thought to himself as he wiped his forehead.

After looking down at his burger for a minute, he picked it up and took a whiff. "At least it like a burger", he thought. With the burger still in his hand he slowly opened his mouth while motioning his grip to bring the food towards him. He then took all of his mustered courage to take a bite into the burger.

Ray's eyes widened and his jaw froze, apprehensive to move his mouth to avoid his taste buds brushing against the bugs. He decided to swallow his whole bite in one gulp, twitching and shaking all over in the process.

"That's it, I can't do this.", Ray said out loud as he got up from his chair and stormed out the exit, amidst a diner heckling at him, "Nice joke, mate. Nobody turns away a Bug-Burga!". While hearing this remark he slightly considered he was overreacting to the taste of the burger. It definitely wasn't his style of comfort food, but it wasn't horrible either. Nonetheless, he still ran out and made his way back to his apartment.

When he got to his door, he fumbled through his pockets for the key. Only he did no find his apartment key, and he became more frantic searching through his pockets and the floor in case he dropped it.

"Noooo!", cried Ray. He banged his head on his apartment door and left it there for a while, upset at his whining getting to the better of him, in a situation where he is all alone. All he had was himself to blame for these misadventures today. But a glimmer of hope rewired his anguish. Ray knew no matter what, his unfortunate predicaments or conflicts with his family would be solved in what felt like twenty minutes to him. His expression turned from upset to determined, and he made a beeline exit out of his apartment building and went back to the restaurant he ran out of.

Back at Bug-Burga, business proceeded as per usual. Ray entered tense but not as highly-strung as he was when he bolted out the first time. He saw his original seat empty with the same burger he ordered before.

"Time to finish this, there's no other direction for progress but forward!", Ray said in a pep talk himself while he walked briskly to his table. He picked up the burger, so small there were only a few small bites to go. One final thought gave him the boost he needed to down this bug burger.

"This is for you Debra, I hope to see you someday, even if we probably have to eat out here everyday because let's be honest honey, you can't…."

Ray stopped himself from getting distracted. He took his bites in stride without gagging and felt a great sense of accomplishment seeing his plate empty, not to mention his starvation was finally quelled.. Sitting back on his chair, he put both his fists up in victory and said, "I'm gonna make it here!"

Right after that statement Ray heard a voice calling his name from the corner. It was his landlady, with her arms crossed.

"You're not gonna make here if you can't make it back to you're apartment!", said Dharma Armadillo. She pulled his wrist out with his palm open, and dropped his apartment key that he lost earlier.

Ray's mouth agape, she delivered one last word of advice before she walked back to her table in the restaurant. "It's not wise to run away from you challenges, because you'll forget the most important thing I told you before; **don't lose your key!** ".


End file.
